Parents have many
resources available to them to assist in dealing with a variety of topics.
Call your child's counselor, the school social worker, psychologist, the
minority services coordinator, the ESL counselor, or the school nurse for
names, addresses and phone numbers of local resources. New in August
2007: See Reviews of Parenting Books, just beneath "Helpful Internet
Links" below.
HELPFUL INTERNET LINKS: (ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE ISSUES)
1. AL-ANON
AND ALATEEN: A national organization of self help groups.
2. PARENTS:
THE ANTIDRUG: Helpful to parents dealing with alcohol and drug abuse
issues.
3. NATIONAL CLEARINGHOUSE FOR AOD INFO:
US Dept of Health and Human Services.
4. NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON ALCOHOL ABUSE:
5. THE PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG -FREE AMERICA:
HELPFUL INTERNET
LINKS: (MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES)
1. SAVE Suicide prevention
resources.
2. HELPING OTHERS PREVENT AND EDUCATE
ABOUT SUICIDE
3. NATIONAL EATING DISORDERS
ASSOCIATION: Help and info about eating disorders
4. WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE THE LOSS OF A
LOVED ONE:
HELPFUL INTERNET
LINKS: (LEARNING ISSUES)
13. LD
ONLINE: New site for parents of learning disabled children.
HELPFUL INTERNET
LINKS: (GENERAL TOPICS)
1. DANE COUNTY
HUMAN SERVICES: Info and access to Dane County programs
2. THE NATIONAL PARENTING
CENTER Articles on adolescent and parenting issues.
3. FAMILY EDUCATION NETWORK
Nice variety of suggestions and resources.
4. NATIONAL CENTER FOR FATHERING Practical
tips for better fathering.
5. PUBLIC SCHOOL PARENT'S NETWORK
A variety of supportive suggestions
6. COUNCIL ON STDS FOR INTERNATIONAL EDUCATIONAL
TRAVEL Study abroad.
7. THE CHILDREN'S PARTNERSHIP
More help regarding inappropriate internet use.
8. NET-MOM'S INTERNET SAFE HOUSE: More
helpful tips.
9.
PARENTING TEENS: Comprehensive helpful site.
10.
UNDERSTANDING TEEN SLANG: A site that
will de-code teen slang for you.
Book review
of:
Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority
and Reclaim Love by Scott P. Sells, New York: St. Martin's Press: 2001
Reviewed 7/30/07 by John Evenson, JMM Counselor.
If you are the
well-intentioned but weary parent of an "out of control" teen,
you may feel too angry, too discouraged, or too tired to take advice like,
"You really should read this book!" The daily drain that an argumentative
and unaccountable teen creates may already have you at your lowest ebb.
Despite that, I feel so strongly about this book that I will still say,
"This book could really help!!"
Family therapist and author Scott Sells has the research and the practice
to back up this excellent program. This book could help you understand why
and how your teen has become so out of control, and then it will give you
a very concrete program of things you can do to bring your teen back to
the real world of accountability and respectful in-control behavior.
In everyday language Sells explains seven reasons why teens grow up to become
out of control. Much of it has to do with what we as parents have or have
not been doing during the child's upbringing. But Sells puts this forward
with such little blame, and with so much insight that faith in a brighter
future is definitely possible.
Sells' success in helping readers turn around rebellious teens then lies
in the following:
1. Learning specific (new) parenting behaviors, especially about limit setting;
2. Following through on those limits with incredible consistency;
3. Learning how your teen "pushes your buttons" and then making
yourself immune to those attempts;
4. Planning two steps ahead of each of your limit setting behaviors so that
you'll be ready for the inevitable limit-testing;
This may sound too proscriptive, or too much like "my way or the highway".
Actually it is not. However, it is very clear and it does require the parent
to be very consistent in their follow through. Within that structure Sells
allows for the unique circumstances of each family, and intersperses real
life case histories for your consideration. He provides scripts for you
to adapt to your own parenting situations. And he teaches and models a very
respectful and caring language to use in your teen interactions. Then, even
during your most difficult interactions your teen will see your strength,
your consistency and a very clear love and caring.
Reviewer's note: If you are currently facing parenting challenges in your
family please consider a call to your child's assigned counselor, or to
any of Memorial's support staff. Support staff names, phone numbers, and
email addresses are listed on most JMM parent newsletters and are posted
on the Guidance Department website @ http://www.madison.k12.wi.us/jmm/guidance/gdweb.htm.
Bookreview
of:
Stop Negotiating With Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative,
Moody, or Depressed Adolescent (Paperback)
by Janet Sasson Edgette, Berkley Publishing Group, New York: 2002
Reviewed 7/26/07 by John Evenson, JMM Counselor
This book is
not for every parent. But if things have gotten this bad in your family,
please read on. This book is for the parent whose middle or high school
child has grown emotionally distant, while regularly wreaking havoc on family
life with their chronic irritability, intimidation, and bad temper. This
is for the parent who is weary of their teenager's daily argumentativeness,
lack of accountability, and excuse making. This book is for the parent who
daily must "walk on eggshells" to avoid more conflict, then may
lay awake at night worrying that the next fruitless attempt at limit setting
may finally drive his/her child away. Painful scenarios, and as the author,
Janet Edgette writes, "There are few experiences as lonely as or as
frustrating as feeling unable to influence someone you care deeply about."
But you must believe that things are not too far gone. Edgette offers lots
of hopeful and helpful advice, all of it grounded in her years of experience
helping families. She will help you decide which behaviors are and are not
o.k. in your household, and she will help you develop the strength and strategies
to enforce them! The premise of it all rests on the belief that if you show
consistent/powerful/respectful parenting behavior, over time your teen will
"get it" and change his/her behavior for the better.
Edgette reviews common mistakes and rationalizations we parents have used
in our weaker moments, and she breaks down myths that many of us have believed
to be true. She offers scripts for upping your chances of effective conversations
with your child. Amidst it all she models a respectful, loving, but realistic
style that, if employed with one's teen, may deepen the strength of the
relationship, and in the process assist the teen in becoming a more respectful,
accountable, (and happy) individual.
Here are some
of the main topics she addresses:
How not to give up your legitimate parental power;
How to stop feeling so insecure about your parenting behavior;
How to stop/break your own pattern of tolerating your teen's bad behavior;
How to end the cycle of disrespectful and/or intimidating language;
How not to be manipulated (again!);
How giving too much freedom sends the wrong message;
Dealing with conflicts instead of avoiding them;
Not helping your teen when natural consequences fall;
How not to use your own adolescent years as a basis for comparison;
The importance of consistent enforcement of reasonable limits;
How you can get help and support from others;
Needless to say,
taking charge of your parenting in the ways Edgette suggests will take major
energy and emotion from you. Her experience tells us that such efforts could
very well rescue your family from some very difficult times, and in the
process help both you and your teen be happier and stronger individuals.
Reviewer's note: If you are currently facing parenting challenges in your
family please consider a call to your child's assigned counselor, or to
any of Memorial's support staff. Support staff names, phone numbers, and
email addresses are listed on most JMM parent newsletters and are posted
on the Guidance Department website @ http://www.madison.k12.wi.us/jmm/guidance/gdweb.htm.
Bookreview
of:
Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times (Paperback)
by William J. Doherty, Indiana: Sorin Books, 2000.
Reviewed 7/23/07 by John Evenson, JMM Counselor
It just dawned
on me why I liked this book so much. This is the first parenting book in
a long time that suggests that maybe some of what I've been believing wasn't
so wrong in the first place! While the countless parenting/self improvement
books of the past twenty years each seem to pinpoint the things that we
as parents have or haven't done right, Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting
in Turbulent Times enthusiastically affirms your position and power in the
family to do what needs to be done to raise accountable, respectful, children;
children who will grow up to be strong individuals, but who will also be
strong family members and contributing members of our society.
Author and family therapist, William J. Doherty suggests that as we baby-boomers
became the first parents to champion the "child-centered" approach
to child rearing, our zeal led to too much emphasis upon the individual
and not enough upon instilling the responsibilities and values that most
of us grew up with. Too many parents, he claims, have been guilt tripped
into thinking that their main parenting role is to make sure that their
kids have maximum access to the educational and recreational opportunities
in today's competitive world. Such devotion in today's overly-programmed
world has been so all-consuming that little time remained for direct attention
to responsibilities to one's family and society.
Children raised by such well intentioned and "devoted" parents
unfortunately develop an expectation (entitlement?) that their needs will
always come first. By the teenage years, such entitlement leads to the inevitable
conflicts over limits and freedoms, and to some incredibly self righteous
and self centered teens that have yet to understand their roles and responsibilities
in the family and society. For example,
" When has it ever been o.k. for the teen to rudely interrupt the conversation
of two parents and demand immediate attention to his/her needs?
" When has it ever been o.k. for a teen to break a major family rule
(like curfew) and then expect little or no consequence, or in fact expect
even more freedom (entitlement!) the very next day?
" When has it ever been o.k. to do the above with disrespectful or
abusive language?
Doherty's book is complete with strategies that will help you reset family
priorities and find ways to communicate these effectively to your children.
It is not too late to make such adjustments, and it very well may help you
reclaim your family for the values you most strongly believe in.
Reviewer's note:
If you are currently facing parenting challenges in your family please consider
a call to your child's assigned counselor, or to any of Memorial's support
staff. Support staff names, phone numbers, and email addresses are listed
on most JMM parent newsletters and are posted on the Guidance Department
website @ http://www.madison.k12.wi.us/jmm/guidance/gdweb.htm.